


Soldier Dean Mini Series

by SPNFangallovesSquirrel



Series: Dean [6]
Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: Canon War violence, F/M, POW Violence, PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 17:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPNFangallovesSquirrel/pseuds/SPNFangallovesSquirrel
Summary: This is as if Dean isn’t even a hunter. I lost a dear friend many years ago during 911, and this kind of inspired it. Sadder ending, but it’s going to come around. Dean is a soldier, and you write letters to each other to bide the time while he’s on tour. You don’t expect the end though.





	1. I'll Come Home

****“Promise me one thing.”  
  
“What’s that?” Dean asks. He adjusts his rucksack on his shoulder and takes your hands in his.  
  
“Come back to me. I’ll wait for you. But please come home to me.” you reply, cupping his face in your hands. “You mean too much to me.”  
  
“I promise. I’ll come home.” His tone is adamant, and for a moment your nerves are at ease.  
  
“Hey Winchester! We gotta board. Let’s go!” a fellow soldier calls. Dean looks to the man and nods.

He turns to you and kisses you. It’s sudden and passionate, and you cling to him as long as you can. His family had said their goodbyes earlier, his mother Mary was the first to say goodbye, followed by John and Sam, then Jo, Ellen and Bobby. You stayed behind so you could have him last.  
  
Tears are streaming down your cheeks, and you don’t even try to wipe them away. The kiss lingers, he lines your bottom lip with his tongue, needing to have you in any way he could.  
  
You open your mouth immediately and pull yourself against his body as tight as you can, holding tightly to his uniform.  
  
You hate to, but you break the kiss first. You know he has to leave, and you don’t want to make this harder for the both of you. “I love you Dean Winchester. With all of my heart.”  
  
“I love you too (Y/N) (Y/L/N). With all of  _my_ heart.” With that he kisses you on the forehead and slowly pulls away.

* * *

September 19th, 2003  
Dear (Y/N),  
Things have been crazy around here, we got straight to work when we got to Iraq. I can’t say much, but that I’m safe and I’m missing you terribly.  
  
I’m counting down the days until I can see you, and that’s 11½ months, give or take a few days.  
  
I hope you do something with those ten months. I know those kids love you at the elementary school, maybe go back and teach for a while. Take up art. I sure do miss seeing your work around the house.  
  
Also, get a dog. I know you’re alone, and I hate to think that you’re all alone in that house at night.  
  
Take care of my family too, because I know they’ll take care of you until I can get home. Go see my mom and dad as much as you can. Get yourself out of the house. Keep up with the Sunday dinner tradition. Mom loves it when you come over, and you help even out the testosterone. Dad loves hunting with you, watching you school him when it comes to archery.  
  
Take care of baby. Keep her running for me. You of all people know her as well as I do.  
  
And most of all, keep yourself healthy for when I return.  
  
All of my love,  
Dean

* * *

 _October 25_ th, 2003  
Dean-  
That’s 11½ months until I see you. More like 10, maybe 9½ until your return. I miss you terribly. Your side of the bed is sure lonely. So lonely in fact I’ve gotten in the habit of sleeping on the couch lately. Stupid idea, my back is killing me.  
  
Maybe you’d better fix that as soon as you get home. ;)  
  
I did what you said. I didn’t go back to school, but I decided to start teaching a drawing class at the community center, just for fun. It’s getting me back to enjoying art. The latest I drew, was of your family, I wanted you to have a piece of home with you.  
  
I also found a rescue dog. She’s a gorgeous pit bull, and guards the house like you wanted. I do feel safer with her around.

_I’ve been going over to see your parents regularly. We have Sunday dinners, Sam even made an appearance from Stanford last week. Met his girlfriend Jess, gorgeous girl and he’s happy. Your dad and I are going hunting this weekend, deer hopefully. Your mom and I had a marvelous weekend last week and headed to the coast. We both needed a bit of relaxation, and it was good to get to know her even more.  
  
She loves you Dean. I’m so glad we share something so wonderful in common. You. You are her hero, and you are most definitely my hero.  
  
Baby is doing well, although rides to the lake aren’t the same with out you.  
  
 _I’m doing well though. I’m trying my hardest to do what you ask. It’s just that I miss you so much. I miss everything about our lives. Sometimes it’s hard. I’m working on it though.__  
  
There are a couple of army wives who go to a support group. Even though I’m not your wife, they still let me come. It’s good to have people who understand what I’m feeling.  
  
Slowly but surely I’ll be able to cope with this situation. Then maybe time will pass quicker.  
  
You keep yourself healthy and strong Dean. We all need you. I need you back.  
  
All my love and affection,  
(Y/N)

* * *

November 15th, 2003  
Baby-  
I’m glad you got that dog. She does look pretty terrifying, and I hope that people will think that since I’m not here to protect you.  
  
Stop sleeping on the couch. I know it’s hard, but remember. You need to stay healthy, that includes not having a bad back. (I will be glad to help you fix that when I get home.)  
  
I hope the support group is going well, and you’re making friends. I’ll come with you when we get back; I mean there has to be some sort of support group for us too? I lost a few men yesterday, and it’s never easy.  
  
I know it’s hard, and at times I hate asking you to do this. I hate making you wait for me, but I’m glad you stay for me. It makes it easier.  
  
I hope you schooled my dad on the hunt, and I hope there will be a stockpile of venison when I get back. That’s one thing I miss right now, your cooking!  
  
My mom is my hero. You are my hero. I’m glad my two favorite girls get along, because you know she loves you, right? I hope you know that. The whole family does.  
  
Don’t worry about me. The days will get shorter and fewer in between until I’m back. Keep working at your art. I love the picture you sent. Now I just need one of you…  
  
Give Sam a hard time for not telling me about Jess, and welcome her to the family for me. I’m being called out, and I’m going on a mission, so it might be a while before I get your letter. Know that I love you more than anything. More than life.  
  
All my love,  
Dean

* * *

 _December 28_ th, 2003  
Hiya Handsome!  
I hope you know how much I love you, more than anything. More than life. I’ll love you to the moon, stars and galaxies and beyond.  
  
Happy birthday my love. I hope you get your present on time. If not, I promise when we see each other next, I’ll make it up to you.  
  
You know this sucks. I’m really doing my best, but it’s only been three months and it’s so hard. It sucks.  
  
In better news, Sammy proposed to Jess. My mind will be busy helping her plan their wedding.  
  
When are you coming home?  
  
I know Sam wants you to be there to be your best man.  
  
I mean, me and you. Best man and maid of honor? That’s a pairing meant to be, right?  
  
I’m really glad you had me get Chanel. There was a break in next door, and I couldn’t sleep for a while with out her guarding the room. It would be better with you here.  
  
I’ve decided I’m taking up some sort of instrument. Guitar probably. The other wives are doing it to pass time, and asked me to join.  
  
And in regards to the last time you asked me this question. You want to make me an army wife? Well, I say make sure my dad gives you his blessing. I definitely won’t say no regardless. (Y/N) (Y/M/N) Winchester agrees with me. I would and always will be proud to be your wife.  
  
For ever, and always my love,  
(Y/N)

* * *

January 29th, 2004  
Baby,  
I’m sorry.  
  
I wish I didn’t have to leave.  
  
It’s killing me.  
  
I miss having you next to me. Your kiss. Your touch. Your smell. I actually miss that damn shampoo you wanted me to get you. I’ll miss it even more pretty soon. I’m almost out.  
  
Tell Jess – I can’t wait to meet her and tell her to keep Sam in check. It takes a special girl to keep him on his toes. I hope I can get home for the wedding. We WOULD make a perfect maid of honor and best man.  
  
You should take up the guitar, and then you should record you singing, so I can fall asleep to your voice at night.  
  
I am so glad you have Chanel. It makes me feel better when I can’t protect you my self. I’ll be back soon. I want to be back soon. I need to be with my favorite girl.  
  
(Y/N) (Y/M/N) Winchester does agree with you, my fiancé. I promise to make it official on my next visit. I have to go. They’re calling me on a mission. I might take longer to answer, but know I love you gorgeous. I love you more than words describe.  
  
All my love, yours and yours only,  
DEAN

* * *

 _February 19_ th, 2004  
Hey you gorgeous creature,  
I’m worried about you. I always worry about you.  
  
I’m up to my ears planning a wedding – it’s th only thing that’s honestly helping keep me sane.  
  
Sam passed his bar exams, he’s officially a lawyer! He’ll be a damn good one too!  
  
Your mom found out about your proposal, and until you get home and do it properly, I’ve got your grandma’s ring. I’ll wear it proudly.  
  
Where are you? Lebanon had quite the shooting star show the other night. It reminds me of all the times we star – gazed on the impala. I took the tank out and watched it by myself. I couldn’t stomach sharing that kind of memory with someone else. Did you have one where you are?  
  
I’ve been looking at dresses now, since it’s only moments before Sam and Jess get married. Everything is done for now. I think I’ve found MY dress for OUR wedding, which we will have immediately when you get home.  
  
I hope you can be here for Sam and Jess’s wedding. They are so happy and in love. It reminds me of us, just younger, and a little more naïve.  
  
Where are you?  
  
 **I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART WINCHESTER.**  
  
Love you – (Y/N/N)

* * *

 _April 3_ rd, 2004  
Sweetheart,  
Still no response. It’s been over a month, and still nothing.  
  
This is scaring me. It’s scaring all of us.  
  
I know that what you’re doing is important, but I’m terrified. I’m terrified I’m going to lose you. I’m terrified I won’t be able to cope. I’m missing you.  
  
Crazy thing. Apparently, I’m technically married to you. Sam says we have what’s called a common law marriage. We’ve had over seven years of living together. We intend to get call each other husband and wife, so technically I am! It’s been a hell of an amazing 7 years, just come home so we can make it official.  
  
Your mom and I took your dad out for his birthday. I got him that scope he wanted from you. He loves it, and says he intends to school me next time we go hunting. We’ll have to prove him wrong.  
  
Then your mom and I took jess and we went to Florida for the weekend. I hope you get the pictures. Those ones of me, they’re just for you. It was really great to go to the beach, and just relax. You would’ve loved it though. We need to plan to do something like that. Just take a week and do nothing. All alone. Just us.  
  
Are you safe?  
  
Are you hurt?  
  
Are you happy?  
  
Will you ever come home to me?  
  
I love you to the end of the galaxies and back.  
(Y/N)

* * *

 _May 29_ th, 2004  
Baby  
Another month. I’m beyond scared now. I’m absolutely terrified, and my heart is breaking. I’ll do this, but you need to know something. Sometimes I feel I can’t do this. I need you next to me. I can’t do this.  
  
But I know the price. I know that whatever you are doing, is for the greater good of my freedom, your freedom, your family’s freedom, my family’s freedom, OUR freedom.   
  
There were more break ins on the block. Some dumb-fuck decided to try and break in, and he attacked Chanel. So your dad and a shot gun have been keeping watch the last week. I need to do something about this. I hate feeling helpless. I guess this retired police officer is going back to work. I know you hate it, but I have to do something important.  
  
It’s sudden, but you’re going to be an uncle! Sam is so excited and has gone in to full baby mode. He’s even started to baby proof our house.  
  
It makes me really wanting a mini-Dean Winchester tormenting the pets and tearing up the house.  
  
How are you green eyes?  
  
Are you well on your side of the world?  
  
My heart breaks every day knowing I can’t wrap my arms around you.  
  
Keep your promise. Please.  
  
All my love – your lover.

* * *

 _July 10_ th, 2004  
Hey lover  
I got my badge back a few weeks ago. It feels good to do something with my time, now that Jess and Sam’s wedding is done. With work, and tending to my soon to be nephew or niece, time is being spent. She’s about five months along, and only four to go!  
  
I finally got that tattoo you wanted me to get. It’s your turn. I want you to get that cross I drew.  
  
I had the 4th with your family. It’s just not the same with out you. We went to Corpus to the beach to shoot off fireworks and celebrate.  
  
Thank you for your service and sacrifice. You are my hero.  
  
I saw the news. I was at the precinct. I blacked out.  
  
I’ll get you home though. And we won’t let go of each other for a lifetime.  
  
In fact, I won’t let you leave the house for a week probably. We will also do the dirty a lot. No pressure.  
  
Just come home to me.  
  
Kick this in the ass.  
  
Love you,  
(Y/N)

* * *

Six more months pass. Six more terrible months of letters going un answered.  
  
You’re about give up when you get that call. It’s the call you either are dreading or hoping for.  
  
Dean has been found. He’s safe.  
  
You run as fast as your legs will carry you. Through the small airport, news had traveled that some soldier. A prisoner of war was returning after six months being held captive. Scratch that, he was gone for nine months. The six months he was held prisoner. Two months were in recovery, and your father wouldn’t let you get a visa to go to the Middle East during a war. He then had one month before he could be home. Paperwork and all. Then you could be reunited.  
  
Even though people are waiting for other arrivals, they seem to be curious. Either of the pending arrival, or the girl running frantically towards her destination.  
  
What would reuniting with him be like? You knew the drawbacks of a job in any type of justice department, he wouldn’t be the same. You were never the same after your first round as an officer.  
  
Would he even want you, or would his mind be long gone? He did after all become the torture victim to a group of Iraqi insurgents.  
  
You search the small area of the baggage claim, where you knew he’d approach from the gate.  
  
You push past groups of people. They start to cheer as several men and women in uniform walk out. A girl screams as she embraces what looks like a sister. A mother let’s out a low sob as she hugs her son.  
  
And then you see him.  
  
He’s aged tremendously. The last nine months must’ve done that to him. He has dark circles under his eyes, and a dark five o’clock shadow across his face. He’s still looking battered, scars are healing, but still present on his face  
  
His arm is in a sling, and his canvas army bag is slung over his good shoulder.  
  
You feel a strong hand on your shoulder, and see John behind you. He motions for his son, almost giving you permission to greet him first.  
  
Everything is a blur.  
  
You feel his good hand snake around your waist, and through both of your tears, you kiss.  
  
It’s slow at first, but then needy and passionate. You cup his face in your hands deepening the kiss.  
  
His hand tenses on the small of your back.  
  
“Don’t ever let me go.” He mutters against your skin.  
  
“Never.”


	2. Patchwork Quilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Dean is back, it’s up to you to be the strong one, to show Dean he has someone in his corner.

The first few weeks, you and Dean stayed with his family. They couldn’t bear to be with out their eldest son, and you couldn’t bear to take him away from them.  
  
You also weren’t sure you’d be able to handle his nightmares alone.  
  
The first night, you both didn’t sleep, for fear of someone disappearing if you did sleep.  
  
“Just hold me. Please.” He says after the third night of little to no sleep.  
  
“Of course.” You murmur. You wrap your arms around him as tightly as his wounds can handle, and rest your chin on his head. With his injured arm sandwiched in between you, he wraps his arm tightly around your waist.  
  
He puts his knee in between your legs and heaves a partial contented sigh before his breathing slows and calms.

“Hey, your bruising is looking really good. I think a few more days, and it’ll be gone.” You lightly trace the bruise on his ribcage and look down to him. It isn’t as bad as it was, only a light blue, compared to the deep purple it was when he had come home to you. You move, adjusting to be comfortable in your bed. You’re still sandwiched as tight as possible to his body; and his head still nestled in the crook of your neck.  
  
He nods slowly, nudging his nose into your neck. He breathes in your aroma and his arm tightens. He still wasn’t really speaking, but his actions were speaking volumes. He wasn’t ready.  
  
And you were okay with that.  
  
“How are you feeling today?” you ask quietly.  
  
“Like I haven’t slept.”  
  
“Well, come downstairs with me and I’ll make us breakfast, and then we can have a nice nap in the hammock out in the back yard?” you ask.  
  
“Is anyone home?” he looks to you finally, and in a second your heart is breaking. His features are still gaunt. Even though he’s had a few weeks to heal with your TLC, he still shows months and months of wear and tear.  
  
“No. Your dad is hunting with your Uncle Bobby. Jess and your mom are out on a ‘ _girls – weekend – out_ ’, and Sam has your niece Ellen. They’re having a daddy – daughter weekend. We have the house to ourselves.”  
  
He nods slowly, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Just. Just don’t leave me.”  
  
“Never.” You reply kissing his forehead.

* * *

“I don’t see why you’re still with me.” Dean mutters later. You’ve both fallen asleep in the hammock, at least you thought you both have. Dean must’ve been stewing in his thoughts, while you were relaxing on his still battered body.  
  
“I don’t understand Dean. What are you talking about?” You slowly move to caress his face. He leans in at the first sign of your touch, kissing your palm.  
  
“I am worthless now. I don’t see why you aren’t with someone else, that can make you happy.”  
  
“But don’t you see how happy you make me?” You sit up, shaking the hammock a little.  
  
You knew it would take a while before he’d be back to any kind of normal, but he looked so down.  
  
“Dean, I was so terrified that I would never see you again. I was so terrified,” you look down, and mess with the hem of the sweater you were in. “I was so scared that one night your commanding officer would be knocking on my door to tell me that you were returning in a body bag.”  
  
You clear your throat and quickly wipe the tears falling from down your face.  
  
“But I. I’m not good anymore. I can barely function without nightmares, I can’t even have sex without making it a task, and that isn’t fair to you.”  
  
“Why are you doing this Dean?” You hold out your hand, waiting for him to take it. You didn’t want to push it.  
  
He sighs, but you shake your head. “I LOVE YOU. I love you so much, and that will never change, no matter what.”  
  
“I may never get back to normal. I may never be the same man you once knew.”  
  
“Dean, I’m not the same girl you knew either. You being gone, that took a lot out of me. I don’t. I don’t know if I can verbally tell you what happened yet, but when you were gone, it was terrible.”  
  
He looks at you with wide eyes, curious to what had happened. “Baby, what happened? Y/N, don’t keep that from me?”  
  
“Dean, now’s the time for me to be the brave soldier, and take care of you.”  
  
“We have to take care of each other.” He states clearly. It’s the clearest you’ve heard him speak in a long time. “Even though I still don’t know why you keep me around.”  
  
You shake your head. “You know that god awful quilt you hate, the one I keep in my hope chest down stairs?”  
  
“That ugly patchwork quilt? Why do you keep it around?”  
  
“Because it has sentimental value to me. Even though it’s old, worn around the edges, frayed and it needs a lot of fixing, I keep it around, because of my grandma.”  
  
“I have a feeling I’m this patchwork quilt?” he asks, tilting his head in curiosity.  
  
“Mhmmm. You may need some patching up; it may take a while too. But I’m so content on keeping you, because you hold sentimental value to me. I love you. Changes and all.”  
  
“I love you too.”

* * *

Three weeks have passed since your little pep talk with Dean. Even if you could call it a pep talk.  
  
In the three weeks, you’ve been able to help Dean break a few more of his barriers.  
  
He finally managed to spend a full night with the family, without breaking down.  
  
“I was thinking, we take the impala and get out of town. Just me and you this weekend? What do you think?” he asks one morning. He pushes you against the stove with his hips, and nestles his nose into the hollow of your neck.  
  
You grip the pan handle as he gives you a wet kiss on the neck.  
  
“I’m game for that babe. Let me just feed you, and me, and then we’ll pack and go.” You turn to him, and wrap your arms around his neck. “What’s gotten in to you?”  
  
“I’m feeling good. I just want. I just want to be with  _you_.”  
  
“Be with  _me_? Oh. Oh, I see. You ready for that baby?” you put your lips to his jaw, and feel him tighten his hold on you.  
  
“Oh, I’m more than ready. What do you say, we head to Corpus and pitch a tent at the beach, and just avoid anything and anyone for a weekend.”  
  
“Promise?” you ask, finally gazing into his eyes.  
  
“Promise.”

 


End file.
